Parents in
the Culture and Under the Cross
Concordia
Catechetical Academy, Sussex and Hartland, WI
“Parents in
the Culture and Under the Cross”
Rev. Alfonso
Espinosa, Ph.D.
Friday, June
21st, 2019
In the Name of Jesus. Amen. My most important qualification
for being able to speak to this subject-matter, “Parents in the Culture and
Under the Cross,” is the fact that the LORD has seen fit to permit my wife and
me to be parents to eight children. Back in the early to mid-20th
century, eight children were no big deal, but nowadays half the people we share
this information with, give us looks like, “Are you nuts?” or “But how do you
do it?!” The answers to these questions by the way are: a) we are a little
nuts, especially now that the youngest of the eight is 17 in a couple of weeks
(we’re almost through the gauntlet); and b) as to how we do it, we
really don’t…the LORD has provided. It is by grace we are saved; and
it is by grace that we have raised our children! Thanks be to God! Having said
that, however, I also remember a sit-com years ago called “Eight Is Enough!”
and I say, “Amen to that!” In fact, if anyone here is interested in adoption,
just see me after this presentation.
The reason I’m offering this talk,
however, is to serve Christian parents who love their children and who – at the
same time – might carry with them guilt, shame, and/or heartache over the paths
their children have taken and/or the division they might experience between
themselves and their children.
In order to address these
significant maladies, I intend to lead us to the Word and Sacraments of Christ,
so that our trust in the Lord’s gracious care for us and for our children might
be renewed and strengthened, regardless of the severity of the difficulties,
trials, and tribulations you may face.
We are led once again to walk by
faith and not by sight (2nd Cor 5:7), and apply God’s Law and Gospel
to ourselves as parents, and upon the way in which we interact with our
children for whom the Lord Jesus was crucified and was raised from the dead.
We understand that whereas we might
suffer while living in the culture, the Lord leads us through faithfulness in
the holy estate of parenthood to live under the holy cross assured of the
promise that He will work all things out for our good as we continue to love
Him and commend ourselves to His call for us to live in His purposes for us
while persevering in service and witness to our children.
When I say, “culture,” I am taking you
to the introductory definition I use in my book Faith that Sees through the
Culture, page 22: “Culture consists of everything that fills the lives of
people in a given place, be it the clothing they wear, the food they eat, the
music they listen to, or the way in which their communities are organized.
These things are connected to the good work of God in creation, but also in
some cases to the effects of sin in the world, which contribute to cultural
formation. This reminds us that while the culture and God’s creation we live in
are related, they are not the same thing. While it may be necessary therefore
to discern what is bad in the culture, we should never say – just because sin
has entered the creation – that God’s creation is bad. It isn’t, and who can
deny its marvelous benefits.”[1]
The term “culture” therefore, is certainly a both-and conceptualization: when
we good Lutherans make reference to that which stands against our lives in
Christ, namely: “sin, the world, and the devil,” this “world” idea is a cosmic
power; it is the evil influence that permeates our environment that contains
the impact of
human
rebellion against God (and therefore all creation), but also the spiritual
contributors to our environment where Satan and the demons roam (yes, the
Scriptures assign demons to gloomy dungeons, but evidently not all are banished
from roaming in the world). If you recall, Jesus once sent some into a herd of
swine and the gospels are replete with exorcisms (quite distinct from the
Lord’s healing of physical maladies). Combine all these forms of radiating
influence, and the final product is the world that can quite frankly lure
parents and their children into a vortex of darkness experienced physically,
emotionally, mentally, relationally, and spiritually.
The second major concept of this
presentation is “under the cross.” Whosoever trusts in the cross of Jesus
Christ who atoned for the sin of the world, taking the sins of the world upon
Himself (our sins, my sins, your sins), is one who is made in conformity with
their Savior and Lord. He took what was yours, namely your sins; and you take
what is His, namely His righteousness and the life that follows. This is no
theory for us or pious idea, it was rather actualized when you were baptized
into Christ. This was when you entered His death and His resurrection. Now,
this new life confronts the sin, the world, and the devil we have mentioned.
What does this confrontation look like? What does it feel like? How does it
play out? It occurs in what we in the Church refer to as “the holy cross”: the
crosses Christians bear as the “little Christs” being made like their master.
You’ve heard the seat of doctrine
for this idea many times: “Then Jesus told his disciples, ‘If anyone would come
after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.’”[2]
(Matt 16:24) These crosses of self-denial are forms of mortification of the
body. At the end of the day, crosses are symbols of death. We are called to put
to death our sinful flesh, the sinful nature, or simply, the old man. Such
self-mortification is experienced while being faithful within our God-granted
vocations or estates or stations. We are fond of the word vocations
nowadays, but in the Lutheran Confessions, the vocation is the office of
the Holy Ministry that serves the people of God by calling them and keeping
them in the one, true saving faith (this primary vocation is then experienced
in the lives of Christians as they remain steadfast in their baptism into
Christ; there is no higher vocation that this), then these same Christians go
forth to serve through the various estates and stations in their day-to-day
lives that includes in many cases, being parents in Christ. Even the word
“priest” in the Lutheran Confessions refers primarily to pastors, Christ’s
under-shepherds, though this emphasis does not cancel 1st Peter 2:9, the royal
priesthood. In the end, Luther’s royal family analogy helps us see the
relationship of the priest among the priests, but the point here is that while
our crosses are borne in holy vocation, we mustn’t forget our utter dependency
on the vocation of the priest of God who absolves you, who preaches
Jesus into your ears, and who puts God’s body and blood into your mouth. That’s
all. But when these things happen, the Holy Spirit leads you to live for God in
the world. This amounts to a whole lot of resisting, a whole lot of self-denial
against sin that bids you to live for autonomous self, the world that wants to
rip you from the hands of Jesus, and from the devil who seeks to devour you by
destroying your faith and of course the faith of your children. This is the
holy cross because it crucifies that which stands against your Holy
Spirit-created and sustained faith in Christ! So, we speak of drowning the
old Adam! We don’t counsel the old Adam, we don’t coddle the old Adam, we
don’t spray perfume on the old Adam…we kill him and follow God instead. That’s
the holy cross. It’s the good father who gets up at two in the morning to
change a diaper and walk his baby while becoming an expert at lullabies (how
many times can you sing I Am Jesus’ Little Lamb?); it’s the good mother
who contends with her teenaged daughter who wants to go too far in the way she
dresses while ignorant of how young men are visually and chemically wired. It is
the faithful father and mother who get up semi-exhausted on a Sunday morning and
take their children to divine service, having learned that we don’t play the
game to go to church when our hearts are in it, but heaven forbid we forget to
crucify our sinful hearts – deceitful above all things, and desperately sick
(Jer 17:9) – and go to church simply because God has commanded it and has
promised to keep us alive in faith. These things hurt (especially when an
infant won’t stop crying and your teenaged daughter is using the word “hate” in
new ways that stab, and when a parent takes in their restless children more
than the sermon on a given Sunday) and we’d rather not do them, but we take up our
crosses anyway.
These are painful and permitted by
the Lord for putting down our flesh, for leading us to serve our neighbor
(especially our immediate family), and for glorifying God that we may be
witnesses of faithfulness to the world, thus being salt and light to the world.
These Scriptures remind us of what Christians are led to do by the grace of God
and the leading by the Holy Spirit keeping us in the risen life of Jesus:
Romans
6:6: “We know that the old self was crucified with him in order that the body
of sin might be brought to nothing, so that we would no longer be enslaved to
sin.”
Romans
6:11: “So you also must consider yourselves dead to sin and alive to God in
Christ Jesus.”
Romans
8:13: “For if you live according to the flesh you will die, but if by the
Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live.”
Galatians
2:20: “I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but
Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in
the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.”
The benefits (evidenced and
observable efficacy and good) of what occurs under the cross is often not
readily – or sometimes ever – evidenced or perceived. In other words, blessings
which result in vocations under the cross are oftentimes invisible. The primary
examples of our theology of the cross which stand in contradistinction to a
theology of glory (“if God is for me, then He will fix my children in just the
way I think they need fixing”), but instead the theology of the cross hides the
powerful answers to prayer that God is working. Here are our favorite examples
in Lutheran systematics: 1) The nativity of our Lord Jesus Christ. Luther’s
Christology was only second to Athanasius, because Luther described the baby
held by the Virgin as the Creator of heaven and earth…but let’s face it, how
would you know this if not for special revelation? Otherwise, your natural
observation would have been seeing a helpless, crying, getting hungry, and a
baby needing the A.D. first-century version of diapers, who also – by the way –
happened to be very God of very God, begotten, not made, being of one substance
with the Father…but how could you and I ever see this on our own? 2) The
passion and crucifixion of our Lord Jesus also teaches us the theology of the
cross. If we had witnessed the event, we would have been shocked at the image
of gore and overwhelming helplessness leading to the most humiliating and
horrific death imaginable (where the word excruciating was invented to
describe its pain, because there was no other word sufficient in the language
to describe it)…and yet you know what really happened: sin, death and Satan
were being defeated. That cross which seems to represent weakness and foolishness
to the world, represents where the divinity of Christ was the hook under the
worm of His humanity. Satan took the bait and received a crushing defeat! 3)
The means of grace: from an observational perspective, they are immensely
plain, ordinary, and let’s admit it, unimpressive, especially if you come to my
Divine Services in Irvine, California where the wine used for the Sacrament is
very cheap indeed. And yet, what do the eyes of faith see in this theology of
the cross? Answer: the very body and blood of Christ given and shed for us for
the forgiveness of sins, life, and salvation and for strength to be faithful
parents for another week! And finally, 4) your life, my life in Christ in
this world, especially as we consider ourselves as parents, parents so lacking;
parents so inconsistent; parents so regretful of what we could have done,
should have done, might have done…reviewing our mistakes and asking ourselves,
“what could I have done better?!” And yet, what are you parent? In Christ, you
are God’s child, gladly say it, you are baptized into Christ! That’s who you
are. This theology of the cross sees that in weakness and in the evidence of
death and dying, God works His work and blesses parents and children in Christ
not because of what they do, but on-account of the fact that they are wrapped
in Christ’ righteousness.
AC XXVI, paragraph 31: “[Our
teachers] have always taught concerning the holy cross that Christians are
obliged to suffer, and this is true and real rather than invented mortification.”[3]
From the Latin: “for [our teachers] have always taught concerning the cross
that Christians are obliged to suffer afflictions. To be harassed by various
afflictions and to be crucified with Christ is true and real, rather than
invented, mortification.” Continuing at paragraphs 37 and 38: “Paul said that
he pommeled his body and subdued it, and by this he indicated that it is not
the purpose of mortification to merit grace but to keep the body in such a
condition that one can perform the duties required by one’s calling.” As
parents in Christ we do this all the time. How often we may despair of our
calling as parents when we are in-the-midst of trouble and hardship, and yet
the Holy Spirit leads us to pommel ourselves and subdue our flesh so that we might
continue the duties of our calling. The Lord knows that at times our flesh
would rather walk away and abandon our responsibilities. AP XV, paragraph 45:
“With regard to the mortifying of the body and the discipline of the flesh we
teach exactly what we said in the Confession, that the cross and the troubles
with which God disciplines us effect a genuine and not a counterfeit
mortification.” Luther expounded on what we have already heard from Melanchthon
when Luther wrote in the Large Catechism, here Luther addresses The Third
Petition of The Lord’s Prayer, “Thy will be done on earth, as it is in
heaven” (paragraphs 65-66):
Therefore we who would be Christians
must surely count on having the devil with all his angels and the world as our
enemies and must count on their inflicting every possible misfortune and grief
upon us. For where God’s Word is preached, accepted or believed, and bears
fruit, there the blessed holy cross will not be far away. Let nobody think that
he will have peace; he must sacrifice all he has on earth – possessions, honor,
house and home, wife and children, body and life. Now, this grieves our flesh
and the old Adam, for it means that we must remain steadfast, suffer patiently
whatever befalls us, and let go whatever is taken from us.
As we abide in Christ, and remain
steadfast as parents, sometimes what we long for the most as parents: that our
children would know the Lord and be safe in his hands, this very thing can
sometimes be taken from us and yet we are called to continue our faithful
witness even in these heart-breaking circumstances. This is the holy cross. We
are in the culture and we are under the cross. We do not change course, though
life changes – even when our children or circumstances pertaining to them
change – and we remain in what the Confessions refer to as “Christian
perfection” (AC XXVII, paragraph 49):
For this is Christian perfection:
that we fear God honestly with our whole hearts, and yet have sincere
confidence, faith, and trust that for Christ’s sake we have a gracious,
merciful God; that we may and should ask and pray God for those things of which
we have need, and confidently expect help from him in every affliction
connected with our particular calling and station in life; and that meanwhile
we do good works for others and diligently attend to our calling.
My personal interest in this presentation
comes from hearing the testimony of many Christian parents over the years who
have shared their heartache and/or burden with me (not only informationally,
but in the context of Galatians 6:2 while permitting me to serve them while
under duress). Devout fathers and mothers know these things even as they love
their children:
1)
Some
parents bear the burden of serving their children with special needs, disease,
and/or injury.
2)
Some
parents bear the pain of their children having wandered into substance abuse
and addictive behavior.
3)
Some
parents bear the stress of children who are rebellious to the point that they
are confrontational and, in some cases, verbally or even physically abusive.
4)
Some
parents bear the pain of watching their children suffer from depression and
anxiety; and sometimes to the point of self-harm. Indeed, some parents have
already experienced the greatest tragedies that come from maximal self-harm and
now grieve the loss of their child.
5)
Some
parents also bear a sense of loss when their children have renounced the faith.
In this case, the situation is easily exacerbated by the real-life fruition of
what our Lord warned us about in Matthew 10:34-36:
“Do not think that I have come to
bring peace to the earth. I have not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I
have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother,
and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. And a person’s enemies will be
those of his own household.”
My personal interest and
life-experience has also piqued my motivation for this talk. Again, I have
eight children, but they could not be more diverse. The first four are college
graduates, and the second four demonstrate a growing trend in our culture accounting
for the reason why American colleges are losing enrollment (though this is
probably not true for community colleges); but my second four have
chosen to immediately pursue the work force. In the-midst of this diversity,
the variations my wife and I have experienced in the parent-child relationship
with each one is significant. One factor is the time that we’ve been given to
raise our children. Four of them we raised since their birth (or in the case of
my oldest adoptive child, at least since her infancy). The latter half we
raised through adoption only after their formative first several years and
after their being impacted by circumstances beyond their control with their
birth parents and foster parents. The backgrounds of all eight, however, do not
change our conviction as parents that the Lord has called us to be parents for
each one. The chances and changes in our experience as parents have also
included our own personal fluctuations, inconsistencies, and sinful limitations
and weaknesses. An easy example here is that my wife’s health has been
significantly impacted while we have cared for our second set of four, while
her health was relatively unhampered while we cared for our first set of four.
In the final analysis, however, I
have personally learned more than I can say, especially in-regard to the weight
of my own cross as father. Without getting into the details, after raising our
first four, I was smugly confident about our ability to serve our second four.
We were after-all now seasoned and experienced parents. We had it down…so we
thought. The Lord, however, graciously addressed my arrogance. And yet my
greater lesson has come through our theology of the cross. What has been a more
challenging second-half experience has in some notable ways been better for me
as a child of God and disciple of Christ. The heavier cross has helped me be
more apt to forsake the illusion of my own strength and to more speedily rely
upon the grace of God in Christ. For example, I have learned to pray more
during my second-round of being a father. In this way, the second set of four
have been used by God to teach me about the critical nature of the daily
discipline to be in the Word of Christ and prayer. If not for them, I would have
thought my former anemic state was the norm.
As I continue to address how we
approach being parents in the culture, but under the cross of our Savior Jesus,
allow me to employ the outline of Faith That Sees Through the Culture. This
outline of course will be explicated by our ongoing consideration of the Holy
Scriptures and The Lutheran Confessions.
In chapters 1 and 2 we begin where
we must. Chapter 1 is on our struggling with the outside (that is, the world
and the devil); chapter 2 is on our struggling with the inside (our sinful
nature). Indeed, Article II of the AC would agree as it expounds upon Original
Sin. Simply put, if we are not aware of the problem, then we will be less
concerned about the solution. We have reasons for our struggle as
parents. Said in the most simplistic terms: the world is against us. We see how
our sinful nature and the world coalesce in what is written in 1st
John 2:15-17, it is the threat that stands against us as parents and against
our children:
“Do
not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the
love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world – the desires of
the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride in possessions – is not from
the Father but is from the world. And the world is passing away along with its
desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever.”
Against us are all the so-called priorities of
the world which undermine the time and energy we need to be faithful parents.
Even pastors can idolize what they do in the Holy Ministry and sin when we
allow ourselves to get too busy with other things instead of catechizing our
children as we ought to. The world wants to make you so busy that the time you
have left over makes it easy for you to have less patience for your children.
The world is on the attack. Our children are no less targeted, the big guns in
the culture come out against our children. As they get older, you can’t
constantly look over their shoulders and the world begins to flood their eyes
and ears; their minds and hearts; and the enemy tries to convince them that
immediate gratification coming from the fleeting things of the world is what
life is all about. They can be easily deceived, especially as they hunger to
find their place in the world.
Parenting therefore, enters a
battleground. You’re well familiar with Ephesians 6:10-12: “Finally, be strong
in the Lord and in the strength of his might. Put on the whole armor of God,
that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not
wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the
authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the
spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.” In addition, our battle
includes our internal one as parents – like all Christians – and so we face the
simul experience within, old man versus new man. As a result, sometimes
we just sin in weakness as parents and blow golden opportunities to positively impact
our children. Romans 7:15: “For I do not understand my own actions. For I do
not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate.”
AP II, paragraph 49: “World history
itself shows the great power of the devil’s rule. Blasphemy and wicked doctrines
fill the world, and by these bonds the devil has enthralled those who are wise
and righteous in the eyes of the world.” No one is excluded from the attack
against the good we are called to; every parent is “enthralled” and distracted.
Therefore, we pray The Lord’s Prayer. In the third petition for example we
pray, “Thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.” The second catechetical
question is, “How is this done?” Answer: “When God curbs and destroys every
evil counsel and purpose of the devil, of the world, and of our flesh which
would hinder us from hallowing his name and prevent the coming of his kingdom,
and when he strengthens us and keeps us steadfast in his Word and in faith even
to the end. This is his good and gracious will.” (SC, The Third Petition); and
furthermore, we pray in the sixth petition, “And lead us not into temptation.”
What does this mean? Answer: “God tempts no one to sin, but we pray in this
petition that God may so guard and preserve us that the devil, the world, and
our flesh may not deceive us or mislead us into unbelief, despair, and other great
and shameful sins, but that, although we may be so tempted, we may finally
prevail and gain the victory.” (SC, The Sixth Petition)
So, while what we see in the world
with our fleshly eyes can be tremendously discouraging; leading us to despair
of our miserable state as parents in this world, look past it Christian. With
eyes of faith see Christ leading us to see more so that we would not grow weary
of doing good. The Large Catechism, The Second Commandment, paragraph 69:
“Therefore I advise and urge, as I have before, that by means of warning and
threat, restraint and punishment, children be trained in due time to shun
falsehood and especially to avoid calling upon God’s name in its support
[support of falsehood]. Where they are allowed to do as they please, no good
will come of it. It is evident that the world today is more wicked than it has
ever been.” Has it gotten any better, especially as those things we carry
around in the palm of our hand bring the world directly to our faces? But
Luther is saying that there is a way to counter the world’s tractor beam:
This is a blessed and useful habit
[calling in God’s Name in true faith], and very effective against the devil,
who is ever around us, lying in wait to lure us into sin and shame, calamity
and trouble. He hates to hear God’s name and cannot long remain when it is
uttered and invoked from the heart. Many a terrible and shocking calamity would
befall us if God did not preserve us through our calling upon his name. I have
tried it myself and learned by experience that often sudden, great calamity was
averted and vanished in the very moment I called upon God. To defy the devil, I
say, we should always keep the holy name on our lips so that he may not be able
to injure us as he is eager to do. (LC, The Second Petition, paragraphs 71-72)
At the same time, we learn to
constantly handle law and gospel throughout the fluctuations of life. Even when
disciples – by the grace of God in Christ – develop the Godly discipline to
daily call on the name of the Lord, this in no way guarantees that our children
(even though we’ve taught them better) will reciprocate. So, Luther also warns
us:
But here again the devil rules in the
world; children forget their parents, as we all forget God, and no one takes
thought how God feeds, guards, and protects us and how many blessings of body
and soul he bestows upon us. Especially when an evil hour comes do we rage and
grumble impatiently and forget all the blessings we have received throughout
our life. Just so we act toward our parents, and there is no child that
recognizes and considers this, unless he is led to it by the Holy Spirit. (LC, The
Fourth Petition, paragraph 128)
That
is, we move forward not overly intimated by the outward and inward threats we
face (though we treat these dead-seriously every-day). But these do not become
our preoccupation. Instead, the Lord leads us to daily return to our baptism
and be mindful at the onset of each new day, of our new status in Christ. In
chapters 3, 4, and 5, I put before us our new identities in the Lord that the
Holy Spirit uses to grant us confidence and strength as we continue to
steadfastly parent regardless of what the world and/or even our own children counter with. You are as presented in Faith that Sees through the Culture, “Christian” chapter 3;
“Disciple” chapter 4; and “Priest” chapter 5. We lay claim to our God-given
hope as we parent by returning daily to the fact that the Lord God has made us Christian. To all the parents here today, be strong and courageous! Why?
You are Christians!
Christian
is a word that means “Christ’s” …that’s “Christ” followed by an
apostrophe “s” …by definition, we belong to Christ, we are Christ’s. The New
Testament formulation of your new status is used almost 200 times: you are “in
Christ.” In this status, you and I inherently receive the benefits that come
with belonging to Him. From the book, pages 50-51:
This work of God occurs in history. It is objective. God attaches His
Word to the water in Baptism, and Baptism through the water attaches God’s Word
to the person baptized. When this happens, the baptized is joined to Jesus
Christ, the Word, who is God (John 1:1, 14). The position of the baptized in
the universe changes. This baptized one is now in Christ; this one is a Christian.
The new status means that whatever Jesus accomplished for salvation is directly
applied to the baptized. Luther said, “[Christ has] through that same [water]
placed heaven upon us and gives us the entire divine majesty as personally
present and gives Himself fully and completely.[4]
In this way, we are “baked into Christ. His death and resurrection are in me
and I am in His death and His resurrection.”[5]
… By being born, I entered my father’s household. I was given his surname, I
was granted the privilege of living in his house, and I benefited from what it
meant to be a member of my family. As a child, I didn’t pay for this. These
things were given to me. By being “born again,” “born of the Spirit” (John
3:3-7) in Holy Baptism, I entered the heavenly Father’s household. I was given
a name: Christian. I was granted the privilege of living in the family
of God, and I have benefited from all that Jesus Christ has accomplished for me
(what He did for me and what He did in my stead). As a child of God, I didn’t
pay for this. These things were given to me. They are given to all who believe.
They belong to the baptized into Jesus Christ![6]
You are uplifted and sustained Christian
parent by simply daily taking inventory of what is yours in Christ. As you live
out this immense station in life and serve your children, these things should
always be put before you (and these are elaborated upon in my book on pgs. 52-60):
1. Christ has made atonement for
your sin. The divine life in Christ’s blood covers your sin and death.
2. Christ has made propitiation
for your sin. That is, Christ turned away, deflected, or absorbed God’s wrath
poured out upon your sin, but it did not fall upon you, it fell upon Christ.
3. Christ has made expiation for
your sin. In Christ, God has blotted out your sins and remembers them no more
(Isaiah 43:25).
4. Christ has gifted you with the good
news of redemption. His suffering and death sacrificed to the Father
purchased you/ransomed you from death to life.
5. Christ has gifted you with the good
news of reconciliation. You have been reconciled to God by the life,
death, and resurrection of Christ. You were once alienated from God; you are
now reunited with God in Christ.
6. Christ has worked justification
in the sight of God. Through and in Christ, God has declared you righteous and
that is how you will always stand before God by grace through faith in Jesus!
What does being a Christian look
like? AC Article XXVII, paragraph 49: “For
this
is Christian perfection: that we fear God honestly with our whole hearts, and
yet have sincere confidence, faith, and trust that for Christ’s sake we have a
gracious, merciful God; that we may and should ask and pray God for those
things of which we have need, and confidently expect help from him in every
affliction connected with our particular calling and station in life; and that
meanwhile we do good works for others and diligently attend to our calling.” Luther
keeps it simple in the Large Catechism on Baptism, paragraph 65: “Thus a
Christian life is nothing else than a daily Baptism, once begun and ever continued.
For we must keep at it incessantly, always purging out whatever pertains to the
old Adam, so that whatever belongs to the new man may come forth.” And in what
way does the Christian purge out whatever pertains to the old man? Luther
reminds us of one way in particular: to practice regular private confession and
absolution (from LC, on Confession, paragraph 30): “If you are a Christian, you
should be glad to run more than a hundred miles for confession, not under
compulsion but rather coming and compelling us to offer it … Therefore, when I
urge you to go to confession, I am simply urging you to be a Christian.”
You are also strengthened against
the threats to you and your family, by returning daily to your identity as disciple.
Remember Christian parents (and rejoice!), God has made you to be His disciples
in Christ! Now, it is a very common thing that well-meaning Christians will
say that the terms “Christian” and “disciple” are synonymous. Be careful here.
While it is true, that every genuine Christian is a disciple, and every
authentic disciple is a Christian, the words in themselves bring out different
(though complementary aspects) to what it means to belong to God in the
Christian faith. The popular definition of “disciple” of course is “follower,”
so that what people visualize is that a disciple of Jesus Christ is actively
following the Lord Jesus Christ. This is true to an extent, but the thought-line
can be hazardous if we skip the first, and most-basic meaning of what the
disciple is perpetually and fundamentally engaging in. Instead of imagining how
busy you can get in your state of Christ’s active righteousness in and through
you, do not forget to put first things first. The disciple is first-of-all, a
hearer and a learner of God’s Word. Here we wish to be as Mary was who sat at
the feet of Jesus receiving the one thing necessary, or the one thing needful
(Lk 10). And what did our Lord teach at John 8:31: “If you abide in my word,
you are truly my disciples…”. If it is not our priority as Christian parents to
be fed and nourished by the powerful of God, then where is our strength to be
faithful in our parenting?
Deuteronomy 6:6-9 expresses the
intense priority of God’s Word in the lives of His people. We should not take
this granted nor consign such an emphasis to an outmoded Old Testament, no the spirit
of Deuteronomy endures for each and every true disciple of Christ to this
day: “And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You
shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you
sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and
when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as
frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your
house and on your gates.” Furthermore, perhaps we are not constantly sharing
the account of the Exodus, but how easy it would be for us to share with our
children all the times the Lord has helped us throughout our lives when we were
in need and in this way give testimony of the importance of trusting in the
Lord throughout life and holding to His Word. In this way, we too can live out
Deuteronomy 6:20-21 & 24-25: “When your son asks you in time to come, ‘What
is the meaning of the testimonies and the statutes and the rules that the Lord
our God has commanded you?’ Then you shall say to your son, ‘…the Lord
commanded us to do all these statues, to fear the Lord our God, for our good
always, that he might preserve us alive, as we are this day. And it will be
righteousness for us, if we are careful to do all this commandment before the
Lord our God, as he has commanded us.’”
And now consider dear Christians,
how did Luther direct the use of the Small Catechism? At the mast of The Ten
Commandments, The Creed, The Lord’s Prayer, The Sacrament of Holy Baptism, The
Sacrament of the Altar, the Morning and Evening Prayers, and Grace at Table,
what words adorn each sub-heading? These words: “in the plain form in which the
head of the family shall teach them to his household” or a slight variation
thereof. What common denominator is carried forth here? Answer: that the Word
of the Lord be broadcast and taught within the home. The family altar need not
wax with eloquence or the feeling of deep piety, it just needs to happen, so
that the Word would do what the Word would do. This is the norm for the
disciple.
You are also buoyed up as to your
new status as the Lord proclaims you as belonging to His royal priesthood (1 Pe
2:9), you are in Christ, also priest. God has placed you between Himself
and your children, and your children must be made aware of it. Deuteronomy 5:16:
“Honor your father and your mother, as the Lord your God commanded you, that
your days may be long, and that it may go well with you in the land that the
Lord your God is giving you.” And note also how Job treated his priesthood
duties as a father, Job 1:4-5: “His sons used to go and hold a feast in the
house of each one on his day, and they would send and invite their three
sisters to eat and drink with them. And when the days of the feast had run
their course, Job would send and consecrate them, and he would rise early in
the morning and offer burnt offerings according to the number of them all. For
Job said, ‘It may be that my children have sinned, and cursed God in their
hearts.’ Thus Job did continually.”
The Large Catechism on The Fourth
Commandment is magnificent in our consideration of the parents’ priestly estate
as one who stands for God towards their children. Paragraph 105:
To fatherhood and motherhood God has
given the special distinction, above all estates that are beneath it, that he
commands us not simply to love our parents but also to honor them … Thus he
distinguishes father and mother above all other persons on earth, and places
them next to himself. For it is a much greater thing to honor than to love.
Honor includes not only love but also deference, humility, and modesty,
directed (so to speak) toward a majesty hidden within them.
To be sure there is nothing we can
do to force any child to treat their parent this way sincerely and from the
heart. This is a matter for the Holy Spirit. However, what we do – for our part
– is to teach this. I have often shared with my children a snapshot of this in
sacred memory of my dear mother who has since fallen asleep in the Lord. When I
was a man well into my late-40’s doing things for my mother in contributing to
her care, she walked me out to my truck one day and noticed that I had in the
back of my truck, my suitcase tied-down by a bungy cord. The suitcase wasn’t
going anywhere between Bakersfield (where she lived) and Lake Forest (where I
live) a few hours south. I hugged my mother goodbye and started around my
truck, when my mother said, “You shouldn’t have your suitcase back there, it
should be inside your cab.” I smiled and thought to myself, “the suitcase isn’t
going anywhere,” but then reminded of myself of what we are now considering. I
retraced some steps, removed the bungy chord and placed the suitcase in an
already crowded cab. Why do this (esp. when it was completely unnecessary and
in truth, my mother was not aware of the stability of the tie-down)? For one
simple reason: the 4th commandment.
Luther makes clear at paragraph 126
what should incentivize children to obey their parents: “For God has exalted
this estate of parents above all others; indeed, he has appointed it to be his
representative on earth. This will and pleasure of God ought to provide us
sufficient reason and incentive to do cheerfully and gladly whatever we can.”
As far as it depends on you,
Christian parent, live at peace and do you part. It is true that the Word of
Christ states plainly, “But understand this, that in the last days there will
come times of difficulty. For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money,
proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents… [and the list goes
on].” (2nd Tim 3:1-2) But in-spite of this, we – on our side of the
equation – can be faithful to God in our estate. Let us confess what we are to
confess; and do what we are to do.
As of chapter 6 in Faith That
Sees Through the Culture, I commence the section where each chapter is
subtitled, “The Lutheran Lens.” As we conduct our lives in our holy stations,
we must remember that as parents in the culture and under the cross, our faith
trains us to see dualities and paradoxes as we walk by faith and not by sight.
If we get this, then we are significantly helped as we engage the difficulties
that face us as parents. We gain a better understanding of the big picture and
what is going on behind the scenes if you will. From chapter 6 in the book
beginning on page 89 where I discuss the important tool used by optometrists
called the “phoropter,” I discuss the importance of coordinating the two lenses
we must work with, the eye-glass lenses are of course analogies to the
two-sided realities of some of the major teachings in the Word of God:
Anyone who wears glasses [or contact
lenses] is probably familiar with the routine. You place the bridge of your
nose against a large framework with lenses. Then the test begins. The
optometrist measures one eye at a time, testing various lenses on each eye
while asking the patient to tell him which projection is clearer: “One or two?”
“Three or four?” “Five or six?” As the patient narrows down the selections,
acuity increases. Before long, the optometrist finds the perfect lens that will
work with each eye, working toward a 20/20 result. The two lenses are
coordinated, aligned, so that one can see.
Now, as Christian parents, the
better we see both sides of what God’s Word puts before us, then we will
experience the immeasurable consolation and help given to us by the Holy
Spirit. Essentially, Christian parents can get better at deciphering their
circumstances as they raise their children in the culture, but under the cross.
The first major set of lenses answers the question, “What is real?” And in
application to parenting, this first set of lenses is immensely important. Our
children are always before us and let’s face it, in general, the more someone
is around you, the more apt you are to see their foibles and even their more
glaring deficiencies. This is true for all of us, and lest we think ourselves
an exception to the rule, people see ours all the time. Thanks be to God that
love covers over a multitude of sins. (1 Pe 4:8) We are now led back to the
practical bearing of the theology of the cross. Here are parts of an
elaboration beginning on page 101 through page 103:
The theology of the cross is
counterintuitive to people and seems repulsive to human reason. We must be
careful to explain and not go in the wrong direction. Certainly, if what is
understood by “the theology of the cross” is that suffering in and of itself
makes us better and closer to God, then one should have a problem with it. Such
ideas are reminiscent of penance, the idea that sacrificial works must be
combined with confession so as to earn grace. Such ideas contradict Scripture
itself. This is not, however, what “the theology of the cross” means. The
theology of the cross simply teaches that God hides Himself in ways of
humility, quietness, and suffering in order to bless His people. These,
however, are not self-imposed but are given by God … The lens of faith learns
to see that God is often working good when others think that there is only bad
… Luther asserted … at thesis 20 [in his Heidelberg Disputation] … “He deserves
to be called a theologian, however, who comprehends the visible and manifest
things of God seen through suffering and the cross.”[7]
… At thesis 21 … Luther explained, “A theology of glory [which does not
recognize the true work of God] calls evil good and good evil. A theology of
the cross calls the thing what it actually is.”[8]
There are some simple sayings that
remind us of the basic principle of the theology of the cross. One of them is,
“things are not always as they seem” and another is, “never judge a book by its
cover.” An old Lutheran pastor, who was a member of my parish, Rev. Herb
Geisler got home from the hospital and we were chatting in his living room.
When Pastor Geisler shared his improved health report to me, I responded by
saying, “God is good.” Then Pastor Geisler was eloquent in this simple lesson
as he said back to me (as I share this exchange and some resultant insights on
pages 106-107 from the book):
He was right. There was no arguing his point. The child of God gets into
an accident. If the person dies, God is good in taking His child into glory. If
the individual survives with great hardship, he or she might grow in faith in
ways never imagined. If the person survives and is granted healing, God is
still good. The Lord knows what He is doing in any scenario, regardless of how
we might struggle with it. A wise seminary professor [Rev. Dr. Robert Preus] once
taught me and my classmates about prayer. He said, “There are three things to know
about prayer:
1. God always answers the prayers of His
children.
2. God always answers for good.
This is a constant reality in our experience as Christian
parents. There are too many hard – very hard – examples to list, but I will be
very general in respect to just one of them. One of my eight children got into
a dating relationship with someone who was just a deceptive person. As the
relationship was prolonged, the bond between me and my child was strained. I
could sense that the person they were dating was going to hurt my child. The
day came and it finally happened. This process was beyond stressful. One of the
end results was collapsing on the driveway of my house, late at night when my
child finally got safely home. Both me and my child hit the ground in despair. We
were both crushed for the heartache; and my soul truly empathized with my
child’s disappointment and disillusionment. However, what we went through –
together – galvanized an already good relationship between me and my child,
making it even stronger. Years later, this bond has led to some of the greatest
joys I’ve ever experienced as a parent. Going through the storm together made
us closer than I could have ever imagined. This does not mean that I say that
what my child had to experience was good. No, it was not good. It was bad, but
what I can say is that the Lord of love and mercy worked good through those
very bad circumstances. This much is undeniably true.
Nothing seems as it actually is. Luther in the Large
Catechism while discussing Baptism writes at paragraph 20: “If we regard
persons with reference to their noses, eyes, skin and hair, flesh and bones,
they look no different from Turks and heathen. Someone might come and say, ‘Why
should I think more of this person than of others?’ But because the commandment
is added, ‘You shall honor father and mother,’ I see another man, adorned and
clothed with the majesty and glory of God. The commandment, I say, is the
golden chain about his neck, yes, the crown on his head, which shows me how and
why I should honor this particular flesh and blood.” Take this counsel from our
Confessions on child toward parent and turn it around from parent toward child
and consider the account of St. Augustine’s mother Monica. She never stopped
praying for her son, and in time her intense intercessions were answered. St.
Augustine went from seeming lost positions in libertinism and false religion to
becoming one of the greatest theologians in the history of the Church. Such
insight and discipline of faith and practice takes time to develop; there is no
time like today to begin. We don’t even see our true selves very well and
indeed, what God sees in us – in how we are covered in Christ – we cannot even
see. This is true also in the way we see our children and the circumstances
surrounding them. Bottom line: never give up hope; keep seeing not only what
you see physically, but keep seeing what cannot be seen: God is working as you
call upon Him and hold Him to His promise to bless you and your children
because the 4th commandment is clearly in accord with His good and
gracious will (He promises to answer these kinds of requests doesn’t he?
Remember John 14:14 for example: “If you ask me anything in my name, I will do
it.”). The 4th commandment is indicative of the name and will of our
Gracious Lord, but as you pray, leave all things to Him and walk by faith and
not by sight.
The rest of my book offers other lenses to help you as you
navigate your estate in the culture and under the cross. It is valuable to consider
in a more in-depth way (as we did touch on it above) the answer to the question
in chapter 7: “What Am I?” Again, you are simul, you are old man-new
man. The most valuable thing I give you here are the insights summarized on
page 112 where I discuss the daily internal battle and conflict we experience
between our sinful nature and our born-again spirit:
1. The conflict itself is not an
indication that a Christian is not really a Christian. Much to the contrary,
the conflict is a crucial sign that a Christian is truly a Christian.
2. The conflict, however, is not the
Christian’s focus, as if the conflict were a badge to take pride in or a
suffering that makes them real Christians. Rather, its real purpose is
to lead Christians back to Christ, their true focus.
3. The conflict is surpassed by an even
more important experience, namely, the Christian’s life in the Spirit – the
daily remaining in Christ – which leads to living in faith and the active
expression of that faith, especially love, which is the ongoing work of the
Holy Spirit.[10]
These
insights apply to you as a parent. Your sin, the world, and the devil strive to
convince you that you’re fighting a hopeless battle! I submit to you that the
father of lies, the devil, is expert in either-or fallacies. Once upon a time
the Israelites stood at the edge of the Red Sea, and they saw two options: one,
go the way of Pharaoh’s chariots and be crushed; or go the way into the Red Sea
and be drowned. Those were all the options according to sin and the devil.
That’s all, just two options. The devil conducts -- deliberately because he
hates us -- the logical error of the excluded middle. With God, there are other
options and just because we can’t see them, doesn’t mean that they’re not
there! In Exodus, God generated the other option and the sea was divided in two
and the Israelites crossed on dry land!
Satan accuses
you left and right: “You’ve blown it as a parent. You have utterly failed. Your
child is too far gone!” He is a liar, a liar, a liar. The truth is that nothing
is impossible for God. Never give up. Our God is the God who raises the dead.
Chapter 8
answers the question, “To Whom Am I Speaking” and in the case of our parenting,
we must remember that no matter how far it seems our children has strayed,
God’s universal grace in Christ – His inclusive and utterly powerful mercy and
love – is always there for your child. Always. Not sometimes, not most days,
but always and every, single day. We just continue to love them enough to give
law when they are complacent in their sin; and we love them enough to keep
telling them that are loved by God in Christ when you can see that they know
they need God. This chapter is the most important apologetic in the book as I
demonstrate that the inclusivism of the grace of God and the exclusivism of
Christ as the only way, truth and life is not contradictory, but complementary.
In the end, we seek to live in both side-by-side as we strive to live in
repentance, something I break down in the most practical way I know how on page
152:
1.
Conviction
2.
Contrition
3.
Confession
4.
Consolation
5.
Consecration
And when the cycle is completed on a
given day, we start all over again
into
the next. In this way we return to our holy baptism in Christ and receive new
strength to be the parents we’re called to be, not perfect, but repentant!
Chapter 9 asks the question, “Where
are we?” Our culture reduces our proper theology on the two kingdoms: the
kingdom of the LEFT (or kingdom of power) and the kingdom of the RIGHT (or
kingdom of grace). The culture reduces these by foisting a more simplistic and
restrictive idea referred to popularly as “church and state.” In a nutshell, as
Christians we must maintain that it was never God’s intention – nor even the
intention of our forefathers – to remove our faith from the public square.
Their only concern was that no single religious sect would predominate. What
does this mean for us parents? We don’t go along with the foolish idea that our
faith is to be restricted to our homes and places of worship…we are to teach
and encourage our children to always live their faith wherever they are and
wherever they go. What is especially non-negotiable is our great need to
regularly receive Word and Sacrament to keep our faith alive. Our children need
it too.
Chapter 10 answers the question, “When
Are We?” We do not live in the past, chained down to our past failures which
Christ has covered with His blood, nor do we live in the future to worry about
tomorrow, but we emphasize this day to repent and live for God. We emphasize
this day to love our children and be prepared to be Christ’s ambassadors for
them.
Chapter 11 answers the question, “What
Do I Say?” And here we learn from the great parable of the prodigal son that is
better referred to as the parable of the two sons. The younger son represents
the problem when the law is rejected, and we enter libertinism; the older son
represents the problem when the law is mishandled and we enter legalism.
Instead, the right way is to permit the law to do its job: to show us our sin
(Ro 3:20). Then we know our great need, and the gospel is freely given to us
once again: Christ for us. This is not only the hope of our children but is
also the hope of every parent here today. It is a hope not based on a
subjective wish, “we sure hope this might work out,” no, this is a hope based
on an objective promise: God has called you to be parents in the culture and
under the cross, and in Christ you have been, you are, and you will be blessed.
[1]
Espinosa, Alfonso, Faith That Sees Through the Culture, St. Louis:
Concordia Publishing House, 2018.
[2] All
Scripture quotations are from the English Standard Version (ESV)
[3]
All references to our Confessions are from Tappert, Theodore G., The Book of
Concord, Philadelphia: Fortress Press, 1959.
[4]
Albrecht Peters, Commentary on Luther’s Catechisms: Baptism and Lord’s
Supper, trans. Thomas H. Trapp (St. Louis: Concordia Publishing House,
2012). 89.
[5]
Ibid., 114.
[6] Espinosa,
Faith That Sees Through the Culture, 50-51.
[7] Luther,
Martin. Career of the Reformer: I. Vol. 31 of Luther’s Works. Edited by
Harold J. Grimm. Philadelphia: Fortress Press, 1957. 40. This quotation within
the greater quotation from Faith That Sees Through the Culture. 101-103.
[8]
Ibid., 40. This quotation within the greater quotation from Faith That Sees
Through the Culture. 103.
[9] Faith
That Sees Through the Culture. 106-107.
[10] Faith
That Sees Through the Culture. 112,
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